john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
