i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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