It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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