He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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