turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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