Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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