I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
