that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I need to stop coming to work sober
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
