He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
