Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
