I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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