Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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