shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
