I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize