I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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