do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
