Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize