Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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