so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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