The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
