Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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