I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
