who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I could make wine with my vomit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Bring me that man meat
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
