Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
