It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
