You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
