I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
