i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
