dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
