My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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