i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
