just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize