i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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