kristin has been a bad kristin
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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