he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
