Can Purell be used as lube?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
