if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
