that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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