Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
