I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize