ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
