does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
