i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
