You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Houston, we have a blender
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
