3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
