listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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