I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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