he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
