you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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