I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
