Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
