is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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