Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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