Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
