Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
