my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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