So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
