fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
