maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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