I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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