Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
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