She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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