It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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