i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
